A Birthday Conversation

…The phone rang abruptly rousing me from a delightfully kinky dream. I reached and fumbled for the receiver on my nightstand, finally picking it up on about the fourth ring. “Hello?” I said, sleep still in my voice.

“Good morning sweetie!”

“Mom,” I questioned. She immediately broke into her own unique rendition of Happy Birthday to You.

“You are one sick woman. You know that,” I said when she finally finished. “Do these phone calls never stop,” I pleaded.

“You’ll miss them when I’m gone,” she shot back with sarcasm.

“Bullshit! You’ll outlive us all. You’re too full of piss and vinegar to die before your children,” I said making us both laugh.

“So, how does it feel to be thirty-two,” She asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve only been thirty-two for a few minutes. You tell me?”

“Thirty-two wasn’t bad. But as you well know I was raising you, your brother and sister.” I sat up in bed adjusting myself to a comfortable state, rubbing my scratchy eyes with my free hand.

“Oh god, this isn’t going to be a continuation of the ‘when are you going to give me grandchildren?’ talk is it?”

“I’m not getting any younger ya know. I wouldn’t mind having time to get to know them outside of some god forsaken nursing home,” she said plainly, in her own comedic way. Once someone has met my mother they know straight away where I get my humor and sarcasm.

“You’re kidding right?”

“No, I’m not!”

“Fine. Jordan and I will give you a grandbaby.”

“Really! When?”

“Do you want a boy or a girl,” I asked.

“What,” she asked confusedly.

“I’ve been thinking about buying a puppy. Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“You’re such a smartass you know that?”

“I learned from the best.”

“Let me talk with Jordan real quick, I have a question she might be able to answer.”

“No can do, she’s in Chicago?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, don’t get me started.”

“Well, ok then I’ll try her on her cell phone later.”

“Why don’t you call her now, she’d love for you to wake her up at the crack of dawn!”

“No, I think I’ll let her sleep. She probably needs it with all the work she does.”

“Ok, fine pick on me.”

“I’ll talk with you later sweetie. Have a good day.”

“I’ll try. I love you mom.”

“Love you too. Happy birthday.” I hung up the phone and pondered whether or not I would be able to fall back to sleep. Once I realized that I was wide awake at five in the morning and there was no use fighting it I got out of my warm bed and went into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast, the entire time thinking to myself, this is going to be a long day….